It's Sunday morning. The coffee's strong, Mike's Pastry muffins are chockful of fat juicy blueberries, Mozart is playing on the radio and just before I tackle the New York Times Sunday crossword, I read this over at the Orange Satan, dailykos:
"...a quick look at the Republicans exploring the possibility of running against him should give us all reason to be optimistic.
Here they are, in alphabetical order:
Michele Bachmann: Fact-challenged kook.
Haley Barbour: Fat cat civil rights revisionist.
John Bolton: Mustachioed menace.
Herman Cain: African-American. Enough said.
Mitch Daniels: Cheese-eating surrender monkey.
Newt Gingrich: Unlikeable, amoral flip-flopper.
Mike Huckabee: Culture-warring colonialist.
John Huntsman: Obama's favorite Mormon.
Fred Karger: Openly gay. Enough said.
Sarah Palin™: Jew for Jesus. ;)
Dr. Ron Paul or Dr. Rand Paul*: The gold standard of crazy.
Tim Pawlenty: Action movie zero.
Mitt Romney: Unnuanced pander bear.
Rick Santorum: Google him.
Donald Trump: Megalomaniacal birther.
But the one stealth candidate that Mr. Obama should be exceedingly wary of is an unknown GOPer:
He's the Republican Party's DREAM CANDIDATE, an answer to their prayers for taking back the White House in 2012.
Here's how Bill Maher describes this amazing GOP presidential challenger:
"...let me tell you about Karab Amabo. Amabo would be our first home schooled president, and the first in his family to ever not graduate high school. After flunking out of bartending school, he spent years disorganizing communities, and wrote two books: A memoir, "Dreams From My Food Court", and a policy book, "Thinking Is For Dummies." And what are his policies? Karab Amabo believes we should increase our dependency on foreign oil and shrink the size of government until it performs only the most basic functions: killing Arabs, paying farmers to grow corn, and probing people at airports.”
He continued, “Karab Amabo believes that abortion should be illegal, especially in case of rape or incest, and he is so pro-life his slogan is "Life Begins at Erection."
Karab Amabo pledges to repeal the job killing health care bill and to implement Amabocare, a comprehensive program that gives uninsured people with pre-existing conditions a chance to walk it off.
Temperamentally, Karab Amabo believes that America has had enough of no drama Obama and his measured Vulcan logic, and at the first sign of crisis Amabo will pray, scream, shit his pants, and fly Air Force One into a mountain.”
Maher moved on to First Lady Amabo and family, “And what of the Amabo family? Karab Amabo’s wife is a sour, ashen midget whose flaccid arms are so weak she can barely do her job operating the deep fryer at the Jack In The Box. The Amabos and their two sons go to church every four hours, and they have a meth lab where the White House garden used to be.”
Bill Maher concluded, “And perhaps the most important thing to understand about Karab Amabo is he’s not exotic or worldly or smart. He just loves America so much that when he says the Pledge of Allegiance, he not only puts his right hand over his heart, he salutes with his left hand, and makes the sign of the cross with his foot, which, admit it folks, is pretty hard to do.”
Be afraid; be very afraid!
Remember, you heard it here:
The GOP's candidate for 2012:
Karab Amabo. "Life Begins at Erection!"
From Josh Marshall's Talking Points Memo: