ANN COULTER SPEAKS AT CPAC!

UPDATE:

My friend and worthy opponent, Gordon, from A Political Glimpse from Ireland, has chastised me over my nasty characterization of Ann Coulter and for making personal attacks on her womanhood. He felt it necessary to defend a woman who speaks and publishes this sort of crap:

"Coulter writes in a new book, 'Godless: The Church of Liberalism,' that a group of New Jersey widows whose husbands perished in the World Trade Center act “as if the terrorist attacks happened only to them.”She also wrote, “I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' deaths so much.”


and this:

"Coulter accuses the 9-11 widows—or "Witches of East Brunswick," as she calls them. I've never seen people enjoying their husbands' death so much..."

"The other night she was on "Scarborough Country" bragging that her book has ended the political participation of the 9/11 widows whom she calls the "Jersey Girls," and who she says have enriched themselves over their husbands' corpses. These "broads," as she terms them, are enjoying their husbands' deaths. Then, godly woman that she purports to be, Coulter asks rhetorically, "How do we know their husbands weren't planning to divorce these harpies?"


Yes, I called her a harpie in my satire of her. And I made fun of her with as much callousness and contempt as she has seen fit to give people she disagrees with during her wasted life.


How anyone can defend a pathetic, attention-seeking, self-absorbed wreck of a human being with the heart of a turnip will forever be an enduring mystery to me.

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Ann Coulter spoke, actually a better verb is droned, at the CPAC this week and presented her audience with tired, stale, loser snark. It got the attendees all giddy and jelly-wobbley, but a talking porcine ungulate would have done the same…oh wait…didn’t that happen too?

Anyway, here’re a few of her lame remarks and my snark to counter her High-Lamenity:
She says history shows that the public opinion of Republican Presidents always goes up and Dem Presidents always go down.

Right. Paging Herbert Hoover! Warren G. Harding! Richard M. Nixon! Ann Coulter is channeling you and ‘splaining to the Republicans how highly all of you disgraced presidents are now esteemed by historians! The GOP: We Create Our Own Reality!

She calls the media the government “guard dog” except Olbermann and Matthews who are government lap dogs.

Well Ann, I suppose it’s better to be called a “guard” dog or a “lap” dog rather than just a dog, isn’t it? Tell me.

“The media compared Obama to Jesus. I lost a bet. They do know who Jesus is. But as the leader of twelve apostles, even Jesus had more executive experience than Obama.”
“Apparently the media likes carpenters. It’s plumbers they hate.”

No, Ann, the media hate fake, stupid-ass people who pass themselves off as plumbers. And dated political hacks. You should know that, sweetie.

“I guess that’s the end of Obama’s honeymoon with the press. He’s not Jesus. Now he’s just Lincoln.”

And you’re giving moldy, unfunny speeches at the losing party’s CPAC and will not be getting invitations to the White House. Heh.

“The press called Lincoln a baboon. If only Al Sharpton had been around, Lincoln would have known he was a victim of racism.”

The press also hated Mary Lincoln and called her crazy. If Ann Coulter had been around (and it’s possible she was), Mary would have known who incited the harpies on that issue.

“The press is still talking about the fist bump Lincoln gave Mary Todd the night he won the nomination. It was a big night for Mary Todd. She was finally proud of her country.”

Yes, Ann. We can all be proud that the country kicked Republican ass on November 4, 2008. And a very big fist-bump to you too, honey.

“Wait until the press finds out that Obama sleeps through the night without wetting himself.”

Wait until the press finds out that your unhinged punditry is not due to incisive analysis, but rather to the result of changes that women in their late, late 40s normally experience and come to terms with. It’s all right, dear. There will always be men who will find your skanky looks irresistible.

“The one thing the press knows about Lincoln is that he put rivals on his cabinet. I’m not sure buying Clinton’s cabinet at fire sale prices is the same thing.”

OMG! What a knee-slapper that one was! Anne, who writes your material, Dr. Kevorkian?

“Obama’s basic message . . . was bringing people together. I’ve heard that speech since I was about nine years old. Even Richard Nixon . . . gave a speech in 1968 saying he saw a little girl holding a sign that read ‘bring us together again.’The theme is not new."

Neither are you. Nine years old in 1968? I know of grannys who are younger than that!

“If Obama thinks the people really want change, wait till 2012.”

You really think the country wants to re-experience Republican failures? Did you actually sleep through the last election? Wait. As we age, I understand, naps are needed.

“I think we all know where Clinton’s place called hope is. [pause] Anywhere Hillary isn’t.”

Pssst. Ann, no one takes you seriously, you’re known as a political jokester and hack. Hillary Clinton, OTH, is Madame Secretary of State. Heh.