Dear Mrs. Sherrod,
We were pleased to hear that the inflammatory and factually inaccurate charges of racism that were recently leveled against you via a selectively-edited video have been debunked as ludicrous. We agree that the person who posted the video is a cad, a fraud, a scalawag, a pillock, a roustabout, a ne'er-do-well, a nosey-parker and---if we may be so bold---a chaufferless canvas-sneaker-wearing nose picker. All apologies that have, or should, come your way on this matter are richly deserved.
As is the apology you owe us, Mrs. Sherrod.
Having listened to the entirety of your speech of 27 March, 2010, we find your comments against an entire class of Americans appalling. Specifically, you said, "[I]t's really about those who have versus those who don't. ... [T]he folks with money want to stay in power and, whether it's health care or whatever it is, they'll do what they need to do to keep that power, you know. It's always about money."
I might remind you, madam, that without such funds, we would have no Bentleys, no private jets, no solid-gold commodes, no summer mansions in the Hamptons, and no senators at our beck and call. No private academies for our children, no beluga caviar, no opening-night private-box seats, and certainly no Manolo Blahnik alligator-skin boots. It would be positively dull.
Furthermore, I wonder if you understand just how difficult it is to keep track of what you refer to as "money." The interest alone keeps our accountants working many more hours than we'd like, which, of course, means we have less to spend on the essentials listed above. "Having" is not as easy as it looks, I assure you.
The rest of the country may have let you off the hook, Mrs. Sherrod. But we have not and will not until you apologize for sullying our good name. To put it as bluntly as we can: you have burned our Gucci chaps.
Good day, madam.
I said...good day, madam!
Sincerely,
Mortimer Edward Excelsior "Lou" Winthorp IV, President
The National Society of Haves with Power
P.S. Raffle tickets now on sale for the NSHP's 5,000th anniversary gala. $100,000 each or five for $400,000. Fabulous prizes include a Tuscany villa, a free hidden offshore tax haven, and $1 million donated to the candidate of your choice. The more you buy the better your chances. Good luck!
2 comments:
You know, it is not easy being rich. Sometimes it is hard to decide where to go for a vacation. It is even hard to decide how to get there -- fly first class or charter a plane. And once you get there, finding a good chauffeur can be mind bending. Decisions. Decisions. Decision.
It's easy for the rest of us. Hamburger or spaghettios.
If we do go out it has to be someplace with a dollar menu.
I got a small chili, 5 piece chicken nugget and water when my wife and I celebrated our anniversary at Wendys. She splurged and got a salad with iced tea. We rented a movie from the dollar rack.
Poor rich fellows.
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