Paul Revere by Cyrus Dallin, North End, Boston



Thursday, March 11, 2021



First time I heard about paraprosdokians, I liked them. They are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them). 

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. 

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you -- but it's still on my list. 

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left. 

7. Knowledge, is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. 

9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of an emergency, notify," I answered "a doctor."
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. 

14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. 

15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.


Bluebullamerica said...

Those are brilliant and very funny. Thanks for the chuckle this morning.

Ducky's here said...

Now t learn to deliver them like Steven Wright.

Shaw Kenawe said...

Bluebullamerica and Ducky,

Thanks to President Biden, I can post fun things that I never had a chance to post when Trump was president because every day it felt like our collective heads were on fire!

The Prophet Dervish Z Sanders said...

LOL. I know someone would would like #2. She is always joking about how murder is her hobby.

Les Carpenter said...

Haven't laughed so hard in awhile. Thanks for posting these Shaw!

Mike said...

I just found out I'm into research!